


Colour: Grey

by siobhrag



Series: The Colours [8]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Animagus, Getting Together, M/M, Sad and Happy, Sad with a Happy Ending, Severus Snape Lives, Sirius Black Lives, Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2020-09-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:34:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26375827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/siobhrag/pseuds/siobhrag
Summary: When everything seems dreary, the rescue can come from the most unexpected source.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Severus Snape
Series: The Colours [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1882474
Comments: 3
Kudos: 63





	Colour: Grey

**Author's Note:**

> Not betaed.
> 
> Requested by Jainleen.

He stopped feeling anything ever since the end of the war. Or, maybe, he wasn’t doing it in the first place.

Sometimes Sirius wondered if his continuous gloominess was really caused by the war; sometimes he wondered if he had left his soul behind the Veil, after all. 

Coming back after three years behind the blasted dusty curtain, and finding that everyone you knew and loved were dead was shocking; finding those who lived completely changed was even more devastating. 

He had nothing, and no one. 

Sometimes he wondered if he was really back, alive; his living days didn’t differ much from the time he spent behind the Veil – grey and muted, as if covered by fine dust which permeated every nook, and every pore.

It was difficult to find something to do. No one needed his help, his presence, and him. 

Harry was moving on with his life; he didn’t need Sirius anymore. And Sirius understood that – they were two strangers now. True, they very friendly to each other, and did spend quite a lot of time together, but Sirius felt that it was strained, that Harry was forcing himself to do that; in honour of his father, or for Sirius’ sake, Sirius didn’t dare to ask. He knew one thing for sure – he failed his duty to his best friend’s son. And now he was alone.

Sirius stared at an empty seat at the Fortescue’s that Harry occupied only a moment ago. The boy was visibly anxious to end this outing with his pitiful godfather as quickly as possible. Sirius relieved Harry from making a clumsy excuse and made it himself, claiming the need to attend to some matters regarding the house on Grimmauld. Harry fled like a bird, with a goodbye barely audible because of his Apparition pop. 

Sirius paid for their tea and looked around, lost. He didn’t know where to go and what to do. He looked up at the sky. Grey and restless, it suited his state of mind perfectly. The hustle and bustle of the Diagon Alley around him was making him nervous, jittery; he wanted to smash something, snap at someone, break everything and everyone. 

He couldn’t stand it, not anymore. With a sharp clack of his heels Sirius disappeared, scaring the couple that was enjoying their ice cream at the next table with a crack of his own Apparition.

At first Sirius didn’t understand where he ended up, but then the familiar shapes and paths became clearer. The Dark Forest. He brought himself to the only place where he could feel free and unleashed. Sirius smirked at the idiotic pun. He was so miserable he didn’t even want to change into his Animagus form. Dogs were supposed to be cheerful and bouncy creatures. Sirius rather preferred wallowing in his human form.

He walked slowly along the overgrown path. The feeble midday light barely penetrated through the tangled branches overhead. After some time Sirius’ breathing became less ragged. No one was there to silently reproach him for everything he had or hadn’t done. He was alone; and he could breathe freely. 

The narrow path eventually brought him to a lake shore. He knew it wasn’t the big lake near Hogwarts, with its Squid and mere-people. This one was smaller and unpopulated; not even the fish deemed this water body suitable for living. Sirius suspected that not many people knew about this place at all. It was too far away from Hogwarts and too deep into the forest. 

He came closer to the water. It was difficult to say whether it was reflecting the sky or if it was its natural colour all along. If this was sea or ocean Sirius would have said that the grey and murky water suggest the coming of a storm. 

Sirius was about to come to the very edge of the water when he spotted someone sitting on a fallen tree trunk; its naked branches, dark and slimy, were in the lake. Sirius stopped. He was not in the mood to face another person. He suddenly got angry – how dare this person to be in the same place with Sirius. He took two more steps and looked closely. Who was that, anyway?

Two more steps, and Sirius had his answer. Snape. Dark garb, dark lanky hair and hunched shoulders – Sirius would recognise him anywhere. He briefly had a thought that maybe he should leave, go to some other place – the forest was big, after all. But his anger took him under its complete reign. Why should he leave? It was Snape who should do that (Sirius conveniently preferred to overlook the fact that Snape was the first one to occupy this place.)

Sirius strode purposefully to the fallen tree trunk and its occupant. He stopped behind Snape’s back and glared at it, looking straight between Snape’s shoulder-blades. Snape didn’t move, and Sirius was getting angrier by the second. He realised that Snape was the perfect person to snap at; hell, their verbal confrontation was likely to transform into the outright brawl. And Sirius felt it was exactly what he needed. Yes, after months of dampening and hiding his feelings he finally felt ready to let them lose.

But he needed Snape to react, to provoke him. He couldn’t just hit him from behind the man’s back; not even he could do that. Sirius stepped around the trunk to stand at Snape’s side. The man still didn’t move, or react in any way. Sirius noted a thin, half-burnt cigarette dangling from Snape’s hand; the ash was about to fall to the ground. It was obvious that Snape didn’t touch it for a long time.

Sirius had enough.

“Snape.”

Not a flinch, not a wink. Sirius tried louder, with more anger in his voice.

“Snape!” 

That got him a reaction from Snape. But certainly not the one he expected. Snape jerked as if he was pulled out from some deep otherworldly place. The ash fell from the cigarette, landing on Snape’s boot. 

He slowly turned his head to the side and stared at Sirius shoes for a few moments. Then he blinked and looked up heavily. Snape’s eyes were empty and dull. He stared blankly again, now at Sirius face, and for a moment Sirius thought that Snape didn’t recognise who he was. But then some thought and light crept back into the inky pools. 

“Black.” Snape’s voice was filled with indifference when he spoke Sirius’ name. 

Then Snape turned away and began staring at the lake again. Sirius expected sarcastic rebuff, degrading comment, or at least a good old-fashioned insult, but he got nothing. He wanted to spike Snape, make him react, but the completely un-Snape-like behaviour of the man surprised him. 

“What are you doing here?” 

Snape just shrugged. He looked down at his fingers. The heat of the cigarette stung his fingers and he dropped it to the ground. He crushed it with the toe of his boot and then banished the unsightly mess.

Sirius was sure that such a stupid question would earn him the desired response, but again he got nothing. Unsupported by Snape’s reactions, Sirius anger began to die out. He didn’t want to fight _that_ Snape. 

“What, the new hero of the Wizarding world doesn’t enjoy his newly obtained fame and fortune?”

Snape just looked at him sideways, the way he would look at a batch of Flobberworms gone bad. “What about you, Black? No one celebrates your triumphant return into the realm of the living?”

And Snape couldn’t hit the better spot. Sirius scowled at the water. Upon his sudden return from behind the Veil Sirius spent quite a lot of time getting to know everything that happened while he was absent. He knew about Snape’s exoneration – the Ministry even awarded him the Order of Merlin and gave him a small pension for his efforts in the war. Unlike Sirius, Snape was recognised, he was needed, or at least his skills were. 

Sirius kicked the pebble into the lake. “Shut up, Snape.” His voice was quiet and defeated. Sirius didn’t want to fight anymore. He lowered himself heavily onto the trunk; it was long enough to house both of them.

Snape looked at him again out of the corner of his eye. He looked intrigued now. “I mean it, Black. Have you got no one else to pester? The Potter boy, for example.” 

Sirius kicked another stone. “No, Harry doesn’t need me anymore. He’s all grown up.” Sirius leaned back on his hands and looked up at the sky. Even miles from London it was still metallic and ominous. 

“So the famous rogue Sirius Black has not a single friendly soul in this world.” Snape finally turned his head to look at Sirius properly. 

“Yeah, yeah. Gloat all you want, Snape.” Sirius could contradict Snape that he wasn’t completely friendless, but Snape’s comment still stood true in general.

Snape was still looking at him intently. “So now you finally know what it feels like to have no one.” 

Sirius almost chocked and turned his head sharply to face Snape. The man wasn’t gloating, or mocking. He just looked at Sirius calmly, with a small knowing smirk.

And Snape was right, of course. Sirius was reluctant to admit this even to himself, but there was no way of hiding from the truth. For the first time in his life Sirius didn’t have anyone – not to talk to, not to laugh with. The rebut Sirius was ready to unleash on Snape died on his lips without fully emerging.

“Yes, you’re right. I have no one.”

That got him a curious look and half a smile from Snape. “Welcome to the miserable-outcasts-club, Black.”

Sirius barked a laugh. He looked at Snape sideways. The man was the same as he’s been through all the years Sirius had known him, yet he seemed somewhat different. This changed Snape intrigued Sirius.

“So, what are you doing here, Snape?” Sirius shivered when a gust of cold wind struck him suddenly in the back. “This isn’t the most comfortable place to be at.” 

Snape looked down and lightly kicked a small basket which Sirius hasn’t noticed before. “The glass snake egg shells can only be found here.”

Sirius leaned down and peered into the basket. The small oval-shaped pieces of shell looked like glass doused in gasoline – smeared in misshapen multicoloured swirls. “I thought nothing lived in this lake.”

Snape picked one shell from the basket and held it up against the dull light of the day. “They don’t exactly live here. They don’t need water to live in; they just need a damp secluded place to lay the eggs. Hence, this place.” Snape tossed the shell back into the basket.

“Hm.” Sirius was looking at Snape all throughout his little speech. He was sure that was the longest time they have ever spent together, conversing, without hexing, or at least shouting or insulting each other.

“And you?” 

Snape’s question jerked Sirius out of his musings and he realised that he was still staring at Snape; and that Snape was looking at him, intently.

“Me?” Sirius looked down at the damp sand under his feet and drew a line with the toe of his scuffed boot. “I was just wandering around, clearing my head.”

When Snape didn’t comment and continued to look at Sirius with something unreadable in his eyes, Sirius suddenly felt the need to share his previous emotional break down with Snape. “I had a rather awkward meeting with Harry and felt the need to vent out some steam.”

“Did you manage?”

Sirius didn’t quite get at first what Snape was asking about. “Huh?”

“Vent out some steam. Did you manage that?”

Sirius snorted. “I suppose; since I don’t want to break everything in my path anymore.”

Snape barked a harsh laugh. “Wouldn’t it be easier to do that in a dog form?” He sounded curious rather than snide. 

“Not unless I could bark and bite at everything and everyone around me.” Sirius looked up at the sky to avoid looking into Snape’s piercing eyes. “And I very well couldn’t do at in the middle of the Diagon Alley.”

“Yes, that would be highly inconvenient.” 

Sirius snorted again. “To put it mildly.” He surreptitiously looked at Snape. The man was smirking, but it wasn’t a bad, mocking smirk; if anything, Snape seemed amused. And it was definitely the first time they shared a joke, however insignificant it might be.

Somehow this awkward conversation with Snape made Sirius feel slightly better. The grey haze that surrounded Sirius for a long time began to dissipate. He didn’t feel lonely anymore; that struck him the most – he didn’t feel lonely because he talked with Snape for fifteen minutes. How impossible was that.

Stretching his arms above his head, Sirius yawned and cracked some stiff joints. Snape looked at him with an eyebrow raised in astonishment. “That was some performance, Black.”

Sirius laughed. “Need some exercise.” Feeling Snape’s curious gaze acutely, Sirius stood up and took off his robe. It was quite chilly to be walking around in shirt and trousers, but experience taught Sirius to keep at least one piece of clothing uninvolved in his Animagus transformation. He didn’t want end up naked in front of Snape.

He took two steps towards the water and stretched again. Now Snape’s eyes were boring into his back. Sirius realised that something shifted between them; and he knew that Snape realised that too. But now didn’t seem to be the right moment to examine this shift closely. Now was the time to enjoy the moment.

Sirius concentrated and in a second the big black dog was standing where the tall man had stood. Sirius turned to Snape and barked at the man. Snape answered with a raised eyebrow. Sirius wiggled his tail at him and that got him a half smile from Snape.

The dog walked to the man and sniffed at him. Snape smelt of herbs, old cigarette smoke and fish. The dog sneezed. Snape huffed and pretended to brush some lint from his robe. Then Sirius tried to shove his nuzzle into Snape’s basket, but the man stopped him. “No, you don’t. If you sneeze on them, they will be ruined. And I don’t want to spend another several hours crawling on the cold sand.”

Unconsciously (or maybe not), the dog rubbed its muzzle on Snape’s hand. The man’s palm was surprisingly warm. And, even more surprisingly, Snape petted Sirius’ head a few times. They looked at each other for several moments. Sirius wasn’t sure how it was manifested in his dog form, but he was smiling. 

With a cheerful bark the dog turned and leaped into the lake. It was shallow; and cold. Sirius ran back and forth, jumping, dipping into the water, splashing it all around himself, and generally making quite a mess. Whenever he turned to look at Snape, he found the man looking at him intently with a mysterious half-smile. It seemed that Snape’s stupor was also broken.

When he had enough of water and cold, Sirius walked to the shore and shook himself, trying to avoid getting any drops on Snape. Then he concentrated again and slowly turned back into human. He looked at himself; all his clothes were in place, but completely soaked through. They were clinging to his body uncomfortably; his shirt became transparent. Sirius sighed; he wasn’t as good at it as he used to be.

Snape was smirking at him. He looked Sirius up and down, almost appreciatively. Sirius felt himself blush slightly and hoped Snape wouldn’t notice. 

“Let me repeat myself, Black. That was quite a performance.” 

Sirius laughed. “Yeah. It felt nice, though.” He was fumbling in his discarded robe, trying to get his wand. He was keenly aware of Snape’s piercing gaze on his wet chest; he left his robe too close to Snape. 

With a lazy flick of his fingers Snape dried Sirius’ clothed. Sirius shivered when the fabric rippled on his skin. “Thanks.”

Snape nodded, seemingly dismissively. Sirius put on his robe and sat on the trunk again. They both pretended not to notice that Sirius was now sitting considerably closer to Snape than before. Snape procured another cigarette from somewhere. He silently offered it to Sirius, who declined it with a shake of his head. Snape lit the cigarette with a snap of his fingers and the air was immediately filled with an enticing smoke of herbs. Sirius inhaled deeply. The scent was pleasant; and calming. Sirius has never seen Snape smoke before. 

“Can’t you do that?” Sirius turned his head slightly to Snape. He could see the delicate pale earlobe peeking in-between the dark strands of Snape’s hair. An inch below the ear Sirius could the beginning of a fresh scar.

“Do what? Prance madly in the dirty lake?” 

But despite the brash answer, it was clear that Snape understood what Sirius was asking about.

Sirius huffed a laugh. Patience was the main weapon in talking with Snape. “No, you daft, transforming into an animal.”

Snape shrugged. “Never tried, really.”

“Why not?” Sirius was genuinely surprised. “With your magical powers and knowledge there’s no chance that you won’t succeed.” 

Snape shrugged again. “You can’t choose the animal, right?” Snape made a drag on his cigarette.

Sirius nodded. “The magic chooses it drawing the necessary information from your subconscious.”

“Yes, exactly. And I have no desire to end up turning into a baboon or a hamster.”

Sirius laughed so hard tears welled in his eyes. “Snape, there’s no way you end up something like this. Everything is taken into account – your personality, your character, your behaviour.” Sirius raked his eyes over Snape’s form. “Your choice of clothes.”

“Black, if you say I can become a bat, I’ll throw you into the lake, robes and all.” But there was an unmistakable smile behind Snape’s terse words. 

“That’s one possibility, but I’m thinking something like cat or raven.” Sirius smirked. “Or snake.”

“Yes, Black, very funny.” 

“Though, it’s unlikely you’d be a snake; too obvious and not subtle at all.” Sirius was now thinking aloud.

“Well, Black, there’s no way your theories would ever be proven, as I have no intention of doing it.”

“Aren’t you curious at all?”

Snape shrugged. “I’m curious as to how the magic makes it all work without anyone losing their limbs or acquiring a few additional ones, but probably not enough to try it myself.”

Years of knowing Snape told Sirius everything he needed to know. And the same time experience stopped him from voicing bluntly the things Snape was so carefully avoiding saying. 

“I can teach you if you like.”

Snape turned his head to face Sirius. “Can you, indeed.” But there was some pensiveness in the man’s voice that told Sirius he did the right thing. Snape made another drag and released a small puff of tangy smoke. 

“Yes, I can. And I’d be glad to do that. I have some books, if you’d like to get some proper theoretical knowledge before the actual transformation.”

Snape was still looking at Sirius intently. And Sirius could see something he was afraid to identify in Snape’s eyes. Snape crushed the burnt out cigarette on the ground and rubbed the corner of his mouth lightly with his thumb.

Sirius stared at Snape’s lips. Through all the years that they’ve known each other, Sirius has never really noticed Snape’s lips. They were smooth and pale, tempting. Sirius licked his own chapped lips and quickly averted his eyes before Snape noticed anything. 

But Snape noticed, and smirked in understanding. “Alright, Black. I’ll take you up on your offer. Just pray to Merlin I don’t end up being a hamster.”

“If anything, you’d be the most fearsome hamster I’ve ever seen.” 

Snape actually laughed. “Witty as ever, Black.” He stood up and picked up his basket. “Owl me when you think you’ll be ready to embark on this completely hopeless journey.” Snape turned as if to go away.

Sirius leaped up too. He didn’t want Snape to go, even if they were to meet again soon. Sirius felt that something big was happening between them; and he was sure he wanted it to happen, actually, wanted more of it, right there and now.

“Snape, wait.” 

And incredibly, Snape did. He stopped and turned to look at Sirius, who suddenly felt his throat close up, dry and useless, unable to say the words.

Snape raised an eyebrow. “Black?”

“Ehm... I... just...”

“Spit it out, man. You’re braver than this.” Snape was mocking Sirius, but not cruelly, rather gently, coaxing Sirius to do the first, most difficult step. His eyes were glinting with something, some mischief so unprecedented for one Severus Snape. The man already knew what Sirius wanted to ask him, and he already decided how he would answer.

Sirius smirked. What a bastard. But Sirius wasn’t sorted into Gryffindor for nothing. “Would you like to have dinner with me, Snape?” 

Yes, it was exactly what Snape expected. His triumphant smile told Sirius just so. 

“Yes, Black, I actually would.” 

It was Sirius’ turn to be triumphant. “Perfect.” With a whiff of his past dashing-ness he sauntered to where Snape was standing. “Shall we?” Sirius offered his arm to Snape, who took it with a crocked smile. “We could start our lessons right after that.”

Snape smirked knowingly, and Sirius laughed. It seemed unlikely that they would be able to do that, occupied as they would be with other, more pleasing things.

“Black, do you realise how we might look to some unfortunate onlooker?” 

“Snape, there’s not even proper fish around here, no one will see us.” But still Snape’s words made Sirius think for a moment and he burst out laughing. Two tall, dark-haired, battered middle-aged men, one of them holding a basket full of egg shells, standing arm in arm in the middle of the forest.

“Exactly.” Snape was amused.

“Still, I think we look dashing.”

“Only you would, Black.”

Sirius laughed happily. The glum that enveloped him for days disappeared completely. And even though some things might still be dreary and depressing, Sirius knew that the grey steeliness surrounding him was slowly turning into a pearly-grey cloud, soft and comfortable, welcoming.

As Sirius turned to Apparate them to his house on Grimmauld Place, with a smirk, Snape slowly lowered his face to Sirius’. Black barely had time to gasp when the whirl of Apparition swiped them away. But before it happened Sirius felt a soft touch of Snape’s lips on his own.

Sirius wrapped his other hand around Snape’s neck and laughed silently. _Only you would, Snape._


End file.
